A Bipolar Life

“Art imitates life”

— Oscar Wilde.

Writing has always been therapeutic for me, so I am getting this blog up and running to try to build a writing platform and get my projects off the ground. I embarked on this journey today, my second day as a blogger, and I happened across some disturbing information. I have been scouring the internet for literary works that align with my first manuscript, Delusions of Grandeur, which chronicles protagonist, Walter Davis’ struggle with mania and madness. Although the work is based on my own past, there are fictional elements embedded in the prose, mostly because I have a hard time recounting everything as it actually occurred due to the years since the experiences and my distorted Bipolar reality at the time.

Anyway, through my research, I found a book published in 2006 that directly aligned with my subject matter and content. It’s called It’s Kind of a Funny Story and it’s written by a young author named Ned Vizzini. Although the book was made into a movie a few years back, I had never heard of it or the writer. As I dug deeper into the author, looking to make some connections and get some insights into my project, I found that like my work, his was a fictional account of his struggles with Bipolar Disorder during his teenage years, and like me, he continued to struggle with his illness into his early twenties. As I read on, I found out that he took his own life a few years after publishing numerous other very well received books.

This was a sobering realization to say the least. I like to hear uplifting stories about individuals who struggled with their mental illnesses only to see the light and fall back on a strong support system, drug therapy, and a renewed will to attack life and persevere through the obstacles they face. This bit of information took me in exactly the opposite direction, and for a brief moment, had me wondering if I was resigned to the same fate if I too made my writing my life’s work.

Luckily, I countered that rumination with the fact that I’ve been relatively stable for close to six years, (I can talk about my relapse another time), and I rely on a support system that has never failed me including weekly meetings with my therapist, a strict drug regimen, and a very understanding and empathic family dynamic (even if it is just a few close family members).

So my main struggles remain: how do I get my story out there if I am uncomfortable sharing my illness with anyone other than a very close circle of friends and family, and with whom out there do I identify if I cannot connect with Mr. Vizzini, my original model and mentor?

The search will continue, and I will continue to write because, at least for now, it is definitely helping me navigate this new and unpredictable path.